To see her$$$ amid all of it. To see that contentment and beauty were not unattainable things.

Then I think of all the tricks$$$ all the minutes all the hours and days and weeks and months and years waiting for me. All of it without them. And I can't breathe then$$$ like someone's stepping on my heart$$$ Laila. So weak I just want to collapse somewhere.

Mammy's heart was like a pallid beach where Laila's footprints would forever wash away beneath the waves of sorrow that swelled and crashed$$$ swelled and crashed.

Mariam saw now the sacrifices a mother made. Decency was but one. 

It would be an existence rife with difficulties... but of a pleasurable kind$$$ difficulties they could take pride in$$$ possess$$$ value$$$ as one would a family heirloom.

she was leaving the world as a woman who had loved and been loved back.She was leaving it as a friend$$$ a companion$$$ a guardian. A mother.

Mammy was soon asleep$$$ leaving Laila with dueling emotions: reassured that Mammy meant to live on$$$ stung that she was not the reason. She would never leave her mark on Mammy's heart the way her brothers had$$$ because Mammy's heart was like a pallid beach where Laila's footprints would forever wash away beneath the waves of sorrow that swelled and crashed$$$ swelled and crashed.

And the past held only this wisdom: that love was a damaging mistake$$$ and its accomplice$$$ hope$$$ a treacherous illusion.

Only two weeks since he had left$$$ and it was already happening. Time$$$ blunting the edges of those sharp memories. Laila bore down mentally. What had he said? It seemed vital$$$ suddenly$$$ that she know.Laila closed her eyes. Concentrated.With the passing of time$$$ she would slowly tire of this exercise. She would find it increasingly exhausting to conjure up$$$ to dust off$$$ to resuscitate once again what was long dead. There would come a day$$$ in fact$$$ years later$$$ when Laila would no longer bewail his loss. Or not as relentlessly; not nearly.

You see$$$ some things I can teach you. Some you learn from books. But they are things that$$$ well$$$ you just have to see and feel. p.147