To put it in a rather vulgar way$$$ I had been dreaming about love in the firm belief that I could not be loved$$$ but at the final stage I had substituted desire for love and felt a sort of relief. But in the end I had understood that desire itself deman

To put it in a rather vulgar way$$$ I had been dreaming about love in the firm belief that I could not be loved$$$ but at the final stage I had substituted desire for love and felt a sort of relief. But in the end I had understood that desire itself demanded for its fulfillment that I should forget about the conditions of my existence$$$ and that I should abandon what for me constituted the only barrier to love$$$ namely the belief that I could not be loved. I had always thought of desire as being something clearer than it really is$$$ and I had not realized that it required people to see themselves in a slightly dreamlike$$$ unreal way.