When a boy discovers that he is more given into introspection and consciousness of self than other boys his age$$$ he easily falls into the error of believing it is because he is more mature than they. This was certainly a mistake in my case. Rather$$$ it

When a boy discovers that he is more given into introspection and consciousness of self than other boys his age$$$ he easily falls into the error of believing it is because he is more mature than they. This was certainly a mistake in my case. Rather$$$ it was because the other boys had no such need of understanding themselves as I had: they could be their natural selves$$$ whereas I was to play a part$$$ a fact that would require considerable understanding and study. So it was not my maturity but my sense of uneasiness$$$ my uncertainty that was forcing me to gain control over my consciousness. Because such consciousness was simply a stepping stone to aberration and my present thinking was nothing but uncertain and haphazard guesswork.