Internet users$$$ that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused$$$ look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

I like the fact of John McCain's head being severed. Like that it will fit so much more nicely up George Bush's butt!

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy$$$ and that just makes it more delicious.

Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?- Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones

Coroner's inquest: death by drowning. And he hasn't been to the sea-shore in ten years.

My interest in this pack of failures betrays my character.

A kite is a victim you are sure of. You love it because it pulls.

Now that she had nothing to lose$$$ she was free.

Because you believed I was capable of behaving decently$$$ I did.

Why do we have to listen to our hearts? the boy asked.<br>"Because$$$ wherever your heart is$$$ that is where you will find your treasure."