A prude is a person who thinks that his own rules of propriety are natural laws.

Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

It is impossible for anyone to be responsible for another person's behavior. The most you or any leader can do is to encourage each one to be responsible for himself.

Don't ever become a pessimist$$$ Ira; a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist$$$ but an optimist has more fun--and neither can stop the march of events.

Government! Three fourths parasitic and the other fourth stupid fumbling.

No statement should be believed because it is made by an authority.

Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.

I don't see why human people make such a heavy trip out of sex. It isn't anything complex$$$ it is simply the best thing in life$$$ even better than food.

When the Populist congressman "Sockless" Simpson of Medicine Lodge$$$ Kansas$$$ misspelled his hometown while running for office$$$ he said$$$ "I wouldn't give a tinker's durn for a man who can't spell a word more than one way."